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Hello Former Child-Free Full-time Employee Me

2016-01-07 17.26.51

You’ll work harder than you’ve ever known, but you’ll only get paid half as much. For your main job, the crazy mummy one, you won’t get any money at all.

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Twoberty to Threenager


It wasn’t that you weren’t listening, necessarily, it was just that the fun you were having in your imagination was far too loud and exciting for you to hear anything else.

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Can we go now? Please…


It’s Sunday afternoon and Ant is driving us into town so I can grab a new sleeping bag for George. One that hasn’t got a pink mouse ballerina on, preferably. The poor boy has suffered the indignity of his current hand-me-down for ages and seeing as we’re going on holiday next weekend, he can have […]

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The Emergency Poo Procedures


An outside wee is fine, but not a poo. I refuse to juggle a Livvy turdzilla. I kept dropping it last time and I ended up treading Liv-poo in the lounge.

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Uvvuh Granny


She loves me, her mummy, with every teeny-tiny gorgeous little bone of her body and for today, I want her to believe that I will be with her forever.

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Can I Have a Dog, Mum-Mum?


Olivia wants a dog. She asks me for one a billion times, every single day. “Mum-mum. Pink dog I want?” I respond by singing, “Nooooo!” in a silly voice and then running off to hide and she chases me. She’ll then forget about the sodding pink dog and the situation is resolved for about 30 […]

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