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Curry, Beer and Lizzy the Lezzy

Lizzy the Lezzy noun Jimmy’s idol, answer to the failings of the universe. My husband Ant has been desperate to get me out of the house for about a week now. I’ve been a bit gloomy since granny died and then with writing about dad’s suicide, it’s made me think a bit too much. I’ve […]

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Letter to my Dad who killed himself a week after my 11th birthday

Me and Dad

Dear Dad You took your own life a week after my 11th birthday. I was having tea at my friend’s house when I found out you’d died. We were eating belly pork. It was fatty and disgusting and I was pleased that mum and my sister Jayne had arrived to take me home. They were […]

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Death of an Estranger

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Estranger noun a thing which, or a person who, causes estrangement eg ‘She became an estranger to the rest of the family following a savage war of envelopes.’ My granny died yesterday morning. I felt nothing. She was my late father’s mum. We hadn’t spoken for about 20 years. Not since she tried to make […]

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Induction

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Induction noun The process of bringing on the birth of a baby by artificial means, typically by the use of drugs. Eg ‘After 10 long, inhabited days of miserable ingestion of pineapple cores, curry and suffering ‘helpful recommendations’ about how to provoke labour, medical personnel may offer an induction, the onset of which will secure […]

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Postnatal

Brother

Postnatal adjective Relating to or denoting the period after childbirth: eg ‘Postnatal feelings may include poo-phobia, exhaustion, bleeding and general trauma. It may be necessary to wee directly into a cool bath and/or milk yourself in order to alleviate pain.’ My phone lit up with the familiar image of a sultry figure in an awful […]

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Childbirth

Child birth

Childbirth noun The process of giving birth to a child: eg ‘Childbirth is a normal, physiological event. Routine preparations may include attending an antenatal class, procuring the assistance of a birthing partner or massaging one’s perineum, for example. For those eight hours of labour I was, essentially, a cheese and pineapple hedgehog. Minus the cheese […]

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Birth Plan

 Birth noun The emergence of a baby or other young from the body of its mother; the start of life as a physically separate being: eg ‘Tarquin’s birth was a bit tricky. It went on for three days and he needed to be forcibly evicted from my being with what looked like salad tongs.’ Plan […]

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